What to Say When Someone Is Rude to You in Public

A while ago, I got into a bit of an argument with a cashier at the supermarket I visit almost every day.

In this supermarket, you hand paper money to the cashier, and coins are handled by a machine. That’s also where your change comes out. The cashier just has to press a button.

I had just paid in cash and was waiting for my change and receipt. But nothing happened. It looked like the cashier was busy with her smartphone. So I asked:

“Excuse me, may I have my change and receipt, please?”

She replied, irritated and with a raised voice:

“You can see I’m busy, can’t you?”

Almost instantly, I heard myself responding — also with a raised voice:

“No, I didn’t see that, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking.”
“And I’m not interested in having a discussion!”

She shot back:

“Neither am I!”

Her supervisor was standing right there, watching the whole thing.

I turned around, said a heated “Have a nice day!” and walked off.

Afterwards, I was annoyed with myself. Why had I reacted like that? When I reflected on it, it actually made sense. Not long before, I had gone through something that involved a strong sense of injustice. I was still processing that. And in that moment at the supermarket, I felt it again — that same sense of indignation. The feeling of being treated unfairly.

In my mind, it had started as a normal, polite question. But the interaction escalated almost immediately. And that feeling of indignation made me react much more sharply than necessary. When I got home, I realized: if I react this strongly to something small, I’m probably not in the best headspace.

You know that feeling — when afterwards you think: I should have said something completely different. That’s when I thought of a tip from Jefferson Fisher, who often talks about how to stay calm in difficult conversations. When someone says something rude or dismissive, he suggests responding with something like:

“Sorry, could you say that again? I think I didn’t quite catch that.”

It subtly invites the other person to repeat themselves — and often, they’ll naturally soften their tone.

Imagine if I had said that instead.

Let’s rewind…

Me: “Excuse me, may I have my change and receipt, please?”
Cashier: “You can see I’m busy, can’t you?”
Me: “Sorry, could you say that again? I think I didn’t quite catch that.”

I can imagine it would have ended with something like:

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

And that would have been it. No conflict. No bad feeling afterwards.

Do you recognize this — getting frustrated in the moment, and only later thinking of a better response?

Or have you found a way to handle situations like this more calmly?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

And feel free to share this if it resonates.

Featured in SATURDAYS with Diana "Let Me Finish My Own Sentence" Read the issue →

Photo: Stan Georgiev