How to Get Through Difficult Days (When You Can Barely Get Out of Bed)

What if the only thing you expect from yourself… is to get out of bed before 9?

And what if that’s enough?

A while ago, I went through a difficult period.

At times like that, you can feel so low that you’re not capable of much at all.

Of course, I’ve had difficult periods earlier in my life too. 

I think that’s something everyone goes through at some point.

Fortunately, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned something from those times.

How important it is to maintain some kind of daily routine.

And when things are really hard—when even that feels like too much—

it can already help to: 

• get out of bed on time
• go back to bed at a reasonable hour

When you’re really struggling, even maintaining a basic day–night rhythm can feel like a huge task.

In those moments when things are so difficult that this is all I can manage

(luckily that doesn’t happen often, but it does happen), 

I allow myself everything else.

I mean: if I manage to keep that rhythm—

out of bed no later than 9:00 a.m., and back in no later than midnight—

I give myself a big compliment for that.

Because that’s all I expect from myself, 

I actually manage to do it.

And as a reward, I allow myself to do whatever I want.

If I want to spend the whole day on the couch bingeing YouTube, 

that’s fine. 

Pizza. Fries. Grilled sandwiches.

Beer. Wine.

It’s all allowed.

(Not that I’m giving advice here. I’m just sharing what works for me.)

And it doesn’t stop there.

I allow myself to think and feel whatever I want.

If I feel like getting really angry with someone in my thoughts—
it’s allowed.

No guilt. 

No judgement.

If I feel like drowning in self-pity—
it’s allowed.

If I feel like crying my eyes out—
it’s allowed.

Very much so, actually. 

Because it can be incredibly relieving.

Whereas in the past (long ago) I could sometimes be depressed for months, 

that doesn’t really happen anymore. 

At least, not nearly as intensely.

Usually, after about three days, the worst part is over.

All that bingeing—whatever form it takes—

seems to satisfy my reward system.

Not that I’m fully recovered after three days. 

Not at all.

But…

After those few days, I’m usually able to make a small additional agreement with myself:

From 10:00 until 13:00, I’ll take care of things around the house.

And at 13:00...

I’m allowed to collapse again.

After about a week, something shifts.

I start to feel proud—

of what I've done,

of what I’ve managed.

And slowly, I begin to feel better.

That's how I find my way back.

Little by little.

Step by step.

Back into the world.

Back into everyday life.

Which is a good thing—

Because at some point,

it’s time to start taking care of myself again.

What do you think of this strategy?

It works for me.

Do you have a strategy like this—

or maybe something completely different—that works for you?

Feel feel to share it in the comments.

And if you know someone who’s having a hard time right now—

you're welcome to pass this on.

By the way…
A film I like to watch in moments like this is Afterglow (1997), 

with Julie Christie and Nick Nolte. 

You can find it on YouTube.

Enjoy what might just be one of the most beautifully acted—

and most moving—crying scenes ever.

And as I’ve said before: 

If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here.

Photo: Artem Labunsky