Done With Dating Apps? I'm Trying Eye Contact at the Supermarket

I'm going to give it a shot after all… Would you dare to do it, too?

While doing research for the next installment of SATURDAYS With Diana, called "Why Can't I Just Meet Someone"¹, I came across a few articles online that may have changed how I look at dating through apps versus meeting someone out in the wild.

Well, not when it comes to the apps. I'm staying away from those, that much is certain. I just don't fall for a profile photo and a bio. I fall for a man I can watch move, whose voice I can hear (preferably whispering in my ear 😉), and I find men's hands very attractive (especially when they "accidentally" brush mine for just a moment 🤭). But the conclusion that I'll just have to go through life single because apps simply aren't for me? Maybe I should reconsider that after all…

In this article I wrote about how nearly impossible it's become to meet someone in the wild these days. People don't approach each other anymore. A lot of men are afraid of being rejected in public, or of coming across as creepy. And a lot of women, myself included, have had bad experiences approaching a man themselves. In my experience, men quickly assume you're just after a hookup, if you catch my drift. So I don't do that anymore.

But now that I've read those articles, I'm starting to think about it a little differently. About my (provisional) conclusion that I'll just have to go through life alone…

Turns Out, Everyone's Fed Up

Because it turns out that most people are sick of the fact that nobody approaches anyone in real life anymore, and that nobody dares to make the first move². What's more, a recent study even found that a whopping 61% of people between 18 and 34 would rather stay single than turn to dating apps³. Now, I'm not in that age group, but I certainly belong to that group when it comes to attitude. So I'd reached that conclusion myself by now, too.

On second thought, I'd call my conclusion that it's "dating apps or nothing" provisional.

Because those two facts alone, that everyone's fed up with nobody making the first move and that a majority has maybe had enough of those dating apps, give me just enough encouragement to maybe dare to put myself back out there.

Let me explain that for a second. The fact that 61% would rather stay single than use dating apps tells me how strong their aversion to those apps is. But I just can't imagine that all those people actually want to be alone that badly. On top of that, people are annoyed that nobody approaches anybody anymore. To me, that says they'd actually love for someone to make a move.

So I think that may be enough for me to dare to try again.

The Case for Staying Vague

Only this time, I'm going to do it very differently! Because maybe the problem wasn't that I, as a woman, approached a man. Maybe it was how I did it. As you know, I'm originally from Belgium, but I've lived in Amsterdam for more than thirty years now. And as you may also know, the Dutch are extremely direct. That's actually one of the things I like about Dutch culture. It's just not always wise to be that direct in every situation.

Let me give you an example of something I experienced myself recently. Remember when I told you about that experience in the supermarket a while back? About the cashier who flirted with me? Or at least, that's still only a hypothesis.

That cashier's behavior sent really ambiguous signals, which had me wondering: was that flirting, or was it all in my head? I still don't know for sure. But what I do know very well by now is the impact it had on me!

And when something has that kind of impact on you, you start thinking about it. I asked myself: why would he behave so ambiguously? Because as I see it, if you're interested in someone, you don't need to resort to a vague touch of the hand and a whisper in the ear. You could just strike up a conversation, for instance. Still, I can see three advantages to that ambiguity for him.

01

It's a way to find out whether I'm interested in him: just see if and how I react.

02

It's risk-free, because he can always say he didn't do anything special, that it was all in my head.

03

Since he keeps this up over multiple encounters, I might eventually get the idea to take the initiative and make a concrete move myself.

I thought: Now that's smart. I'm going to do that too!

Because there's even a fourth advantage to giving off signals like that. When someone says to you, straight up, "I like you," it's clear. You don't have to rack your brain for a second, and pretty quickly you know whether you like them back or not. But this ambiguous behavior? If you're not careful, your mind runs wild.

If he can pull off making that kind of impact on me, why couldn't I do the same to someone else?

The Experiment: Eye Contact in Aisle Five

In another article online, I read some tips on how to meet someone in real life when you're sick of the apps. First, be a little kind to yourself and remind yourself what's great about you. Then practice making eye contact, which you can absolutely do in the supermarket 😉. And if you don't know what to say, just give the person a compliment. If a conversation gets going, you can ask for their number, saying you're really enjoying the chat but sadly have to run. And what if they never call you back? Then you're welcome to give yourself a pat on the back for at least trying.

So I'll start by experimenting with eye contact. Which, conveniently, keeps things nice and vague.

Right, off to the supermarket! Not Lidl this time. I'm staying away from there for a while, before my mind runs even wilder. 🤣 Let's see if I can even catch someone's eye. It doesn't have to be anyone I find attractive, it's just an experiment, a bit of practice. That way, if I run into someone I really do like, I'll have a little skill under my belt. Because, yes, flirting: we've unlearned it.

So what do you think? Would you dare to do this too, now that you know many people are fed up with those apps and might actually love to be approached?

1. It comes out on October 10, 2026. ↩
2. Time: Flirting Is a Lost Art ↩
3. Vice: What Happens When You Stop Using Dating Apps and Meet People IRL ↩

Photo: Shalom Ejiofor