Whatever Happened to Meeting a Friend for Coffee?

You know what I basically never do anymore? I wonder if you still do it sometimes…

Okay, "never" is a bit of an exaggeration — let's say "almost never." I'm talking about meeting up with a girlfriend at a little café, just for a cup of coffee.

It hit me all of a sudden while I was sitting there looking at this painting.

You know I do SATURDAYS With Diana every week, right? I like making room for art in it. And when I can find the time, I like going even deeper into it. (Here you'll find a number of works I've taken a closer look at, along with my own reading of them.)

So there I was looking at this piece, and it suddenly hit me that it had been ages since I'd met up with a girlfriend for a cup of coffee at a café. Here's how that happened.

Experts say this painting evokes a sense of loneliness, alienation, or social distance. The two women are sitting together at the table, but there seems to be almost no interaction between them, according to the experts. They're said to be physically together but emotionally disconnected. That's supposedly why this painting is so often linked to loneliness and isolation amid other people. The woman in the foreground, they say, seems to avoid eye contact with both the viewer and her companion.

What do you think — do you see it that way too? (If you're reading this on a laptop or desktop, it might help to open the painting link in a separate tab so you can easily switch back and forth.)

I don't see it that way at all!

I see two women, who most likely know each other, sitting across from one another at a table in a café or restaurant. And to me, the woman in the foreground is clearly looking straight at her companion, as if she's listening intently to what she has to say. I don't see any loneliness, isolation, or social alienation in this scene whatsoever. Do you?

Anyway, as I sat there looking at the scene, and at first I just saw two friends in those two women, who'd arranged to meet up — probably for lunch (look at that light, it's clearly not evening, and besides, the women are sitting in a chop suey restaurant) — I suddenly thought: I haven't done this in so long. Just met up with a friend for coffee, or for lunch.

I'm 56 now, but I remember that in my early twenties, I'd meet up with a girlfriend at least once a week. We'd meet, say, at a student café. Back then that's often just what they were called, because the prices were reasonably affordable, which meant the food was accessible too, for students who generally had less to spend. So we're talking about roughly thirty years ago or more. We'd often sit there for hours. We might meet up around eleven in the morning. Then about an hour and a half later, around half past twelve, we'd get hungry and order something simple to eat — a sandwich, maybe. Then, an hour or so after that sandwich, we'd move on to beer or wine, and around four in the afternoon we'd finally head off — a little tipsy and fully caught up — and go our separate ways home.

And what did we talk about for five straight hours? Mostly… men: the current boyfriend, the ex-boyfriend, the boyfriend before the ex-boyfriend, so-and-so's boyfriend, and so on. No, it wasn't really about the men themselves, but about our relationships with those men (and so-and-so's relationship with her boyfriend), and so on.

Anyway, I realized I just never do that anymore — sit in a café with a friend for hours, talking things through. I got out of the habit of that when I had my daughter and, as a single mother, was completely housebound those first few years. Not just because of caring for my child, though — I also ended up socially isolated because of a deep, long depression. Years later, once I'd recovered a bit, there weren't many friends left to meet up with anymore. And I wouldn't have had much to say about men anyway, since there weren't any left in my life — well, not really. I mean, I did spend the last twenty years with Harry, but as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't really count as that.

And now, thirty years later, with my daughter long since out of the house, why couldn't I maybe start meeting up with a friend every now and then for a cup of coffee, a sandwich, and maybe a glass of wine or two?

I don't know.

I think I'd actually like that. But I'm just not used to doing that anymore. Back then it just happened naturally, spontaneously. Now I'd actually have to push myself over some kind of threshold. Partly because I don't really have those close friendships anymore. And partly because I find the hospitality industry way too expensive these days. I simply refuse to keep paying those ridiculous prices for a cup of coffee or a sandwich. (And I'm quite principled about that — I even quit smoking once, after decades, because of the high price of cigarettes. So that tells you something!)

Times have changed. You can't just call someone up out of the blue and meet up anymore. Life stages have changed. People have their own things going on and find it harder to free up time. (Or at least, that's what they think, at this stage of life.)

But… I'm hereby resolving that from now on (well, I mean once I'm back in Amsterdam, because I don't know a soul here in Sicily) I'll invite someone over to my place once a week for a cup of coffee or a little drink. With a (small) snack to go with it. 😝 Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Look what a painting like that can lead to! 😉

But, come to think of it, take another good look at that woman in the foreground. Earlier I said I saw two women who most likely know each other, but now I'm actually starting to doubt that. Look how intently that woman in the foreground is staring at her companion. Look at her facial expression. It's as if she's calling the other woman to account for something. It wouldn't surprise me if the two of them don't actually know each other at all, and instead just arranged to meet because the woman in the foreground has just found out that the other woman started an affair with her husband, and she wants some answers. That's how I read the way the woman in the foreground is looking at her "companion." Don't you think?

I'll keep you posted. Once I'm back in Amsterdam, I'll let you know whether I managed to meet up with anyone. And you let me know what you thought of my reading of Edward Hopper's "Chop Suey"! I'm curious to hear.

Cheers!

Photo's: Jeanie de Klerk